How do I manage,,,,

This week has been nothing but rediculous thus far.

Monday morning, I woke up, went about my routine and such...on my way down to see my family for the morning in congested Massachusetts morning traffic on a rainy foggy day; there was a small Navy Blue BMW weaving in and out of traffic with no lights on, past 80 mph.

I watched out as this jerkface continued to drive the way he did
(granted most of the time I'm not better,..but 1. I use my signals and 2. I keep my lights on)

I got onto the ramp that takes me into Taunton by way of rte 44 Raynham when I notice his vehicle riding so far up my ass I might as well be a gay man, happy and blitzed in P-Town on his birthday.
Going about my way I made it through two lights when I see this very large looking man in that same BMW lean over and take a photo of me and the front of my car.....

Creepy? Yeah. I think so.

You had better believe I followed his ass...
Wouldn't you know it he drives straight to the main road in front of the hospital and climbs his Fat Humpty Dumpty but out of that beamer holding a stethescope preaching in his tainted puerto-espagnol lang-u-age about how he's a doctor and I can't drive this way and follow him....

The police officer asked me what exactly happenned as Mr. Dr Snooty Fat Pants got in the police officers' face....

I looked at this round gentleman...and I clearly stated...
"No YOU CAN'T drive THAT FAST, in THIS WEATHER, WITHOUT using SIGNALS, or HAVING NO LIGHTS ON,.....You're a DOCTOR you should KNOW BETTER!"

The cop laughed....and then this man PERSISTED to traipse around and CLOSE to my vehicle pointing out everything wrong with it...like he was actually trying to get me in trouble for what?
Following him when he was acting suspicious?

Creeper.

After said fat man drove away....my car wouldn't start.
No, of course not.
So the officer tells me ...."personally between you and I that guys a dick...he's a cancer doctor and saved my mother's life...I guess he knows his shit...but I like you better...he's a scumbag"

My response: "Officer,....I'm a student...but I take care of people after doctors send them home from the hospital, with a diagnosis...or whatever..I just take care of them after the doctors do..."

He says: "I told you I liked you better"


That was just my morning....to sum up the day it got a little better....less commotion....
But today...
TODAY was a different story.


Today I went to work,...we did the usual doctors appointment and what have you...

Time to attempt writing for today I treated myself to something small to eat at a resteraunt.
Where I waited a half hour before I went LOOKING for a waitress....
another half hour for my food...
and another hour after that before I decided trying to find the waitress so I could pay was worth it.

I made my way out to see a band play like I had promised them I would by 830 tonight.
Seeing new friends and attempting to make more...
Upon leaving the venue with them at 10 pm It was asked of me to join the after-party by 3 of the band members.
Okay :) Why not right?

I was all for it....I don't party much, but when I do it's a throwdown.

Ready to go I waited for a good 20 minutes...which was fine...no complaining...I was getting pumped in my car.

When they finally get all packed up to go...and start to drive away when my car decided she was going to stutter like a verbally disabled child with a swolen toungue. While overheating...
I mean what else could go wrong? Oh yeah...I was actually on the curb going DOWN and OUT of the parking lot on a main road.
That's right people....I broke down on an exiting ramp of a parking lot.
Go Me.

It's 11 pm at night...my phone was dead...my car ....well....we're gonna TRY to figure this out.

Seeing large high headlights...this gentleman pulls up in a massive white landscaping truck and offers me a ride and jumper cables...I took the offer of jumper cables....and he said it would take him 15 minutes to go get them. I wasn't sure that he was going to come back....but he did.

However BEFORE he came back....a puerto rican couple pulled up and over to me and lucky me to notice the tear drops tattooed next to the wife's eyes while the husband didn't speak any English.
Yeah this was going over well....

I was certain that I was going to die from a very angry stabbing from a puerto rican woman to a brazilian....

The young man that helped me to begin with came back....we pushed my car to safety.
And we charged it.
It didn't work, and so he called in re-enforcements.
Again...this time I thought I might get gang raped...because I didn't know why more men kept showing up!
But they were all very nice to me.
I got lost on my way home in and around Jamaica Plains...
And then ten minutes away from my house I got pulled over...again...
He let me go.


I don't know how I manage...but I do...
I just wish that I could manage these situations in a more fun way...with other people...

Let's see how Wednesday goes.

Moving in With Alzheimers... Hide and Seek the next goal

My Boss gave me an option.
He bought a house in a really old town...
and offered me to move in.

I didn't want to. Not for a second.
But I realized the possibilities of advantage for my job,
the benefits for myself in this situation.
And how happy it would make my boss.
Causing me to further move forward.
Save my money.
No transportation issues....that's for sure....I just walk downstairs and I'm at work.

I did this before, I know, I remembered it believe me.
Cinsidering that little old lady was the best example of a loving mother I could have ever asked for...and we still visit often.
This one is different.
It's a completely different situation.
I thrive at my job,....I just bitch about it because I know I'm not supposed to do it forever...and I can't wait to begin whatever it is I actually am supposed to do...
I feel like I have 2 years or so to go....but I'm so much closer.

My Bosses daughter is 12.
In the past year that I've been working with her...she has grown such a significant amount.
And I wanted this opportunity. I prayed for it. I wished to be a positive influence a little bit stronger of a bond than the one I have with my sister.
To a young girl who needed me. Who needed someone who went through what she's going through.....

To be on the other side of a situation you go through in life is so much more gratifying than some of the things people could think about.

You get to see it from a perspective that allows you to soften your heart....it teaches you not to be angry, but to understand...and learn to most importantly forgive.
People quote that everything happens for a reason but it's rare that they even try to grasp
just what that reason is.





Recently coming along with this change are so many others....

I gradually embraced what become constant out of force from events in my life.

Is it any wonder when I fall in love I start acting like a lunatic?
Nothing good has ever stayed.

My life has been built off of negative strain which I've fought hard to change and just- be - happy....

It's all I've wanted...

How to be happy was the searching quest inside my heart.

I've found it. I just am.

Refusing to be content out of intelligence ....well....sheer stubborness to do better contributed...but...it's here.
There's a peace so close to my heart that I feel myself in a constant surrounding of what would seem to be something like light.
I can physically see the beauty in this change of my life.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who can see it, but others have already started to look at me differently.

It's like air, but a little bit thicker...
you can see it just as clearly....
there's no fear, no hurt, no pain, and it's warm.


:)

Within the past two months, I haven't had one depression breakdown.
I don't think I've raised my voice once.
I laugh and find myself smiling every day for uncanny reasons...
It's easy to be, to live,..to go forward....and I'm not even bitter....about anything...
It's like a bubble...

So now that I am...just able to be me....and happy with myself....

The next two years goals....

I'm finishing school. Finally.
I'm going to pay off a new car.
Decent, build my credit.
Do myself a little good.
Figure this whole career path business out...
you laugh...I'm Determined!

I'm hiding in my bubble...so when it comes to real love ......
(which has been the question of so many people I know...)
time to come and find me.
;)

Conversations from the heart...sincerity vs stupidity.

It's common knowledge that one cannot truly love another until you love yourself.
In retrospect, loving yourself with respect, dignity, appreciation and understanding of who you are as a person.

People will say the word hate, with no passing thought.
They will spout it, when angry, or while stating an opinion.

Why is that ok?
I have a lot of guy friends who consider me one of them. They all treat me with respect and mutual intellect. We share laughs, off color jokes, adult humor, off roading, wrestling, metal music, video gaming, good conversations, food, adventures and personal thoughts. They also treat me like a lady.
Which I am more than thankful for.

I'm fortunate that these friends of mine are quite the extraordinary gentlemen.
Not all of them, but some of them, have come out of hard times themselves.
They have known struggle and overcome it, and have motivated me to keep going with a small example that there are infact good men in my generation. VERY good men.

There is one thing I know I do that annoys them, so I'm careful not to do it often.
I know I can be like a bumble bee in someones ear sometimes....on top of that I have ants in my pants. I'm completely and utterly incapable of sitting still.....
It's not that I can't relax....it's just that I wanna dooooo stufffffff.

So,....that thing that I do....the annoying thing.....
I tell them I love them.
I tell a lot of people that.
Not everyone.
If I don't like you I probably won't speak to you...
And If my heart truly holds close to you well; let's just say you better have thick skin because I like to poke fun with those I hold dear :).

But I do. Tell them I love them.

Because for me,...and I wish other people could at least try to see it this way even for a minute enough to understand.

It's not mushy blahzeee romantic crap.

It's love. Exactly that.

People have asked "well,...what is love?"

It's acceptance of a human being for their flaws and being able to see the amazing qualities they hold.

It's being able to acknowledge the kind of person you have in your presence.

And while I agree with them that the word is overused. I do believe that people should take into consideration the negativity that is overused. Where and how so.

What else do we do too often?
What else do we do not enough?

When is it appropriate to say endearing things?

Obviously not when sarcasm is in play....that could be messy.
Talk about a shit storm.

Yesterday my patient told me she was lost in the airport with 100 million dollars.
She preceeded to inform me that the police were chasing her and she didn't know where to hide....
I told her the money was taken care of and she kissed me on the cheek.

Any other day she hates me, and if I tell her I love her, or give her hugs, she tells me to stop it.
But she does trust me.

She'll listen because 99% of the time I explain things to her. I take her crap, not just because it's my job, but because she's human, and she needs someone to do it.

Before she was ill she was the manager of an insurance agency, head of a housing authority board, ran a scrabble club, avid athlete, and high up on the PTO.
to understand the level of independance that she's been robbed of.

Imagine what it feels like to have everything you care about, just taken from you in the simple manner of...you can't do anything with it anymore.
You can't drive. you can't cook for yourself. You can't do anything that an adult would do.
Is it wrong for one person in your life, or maybe even a few .....to tell you that they love you?
To ingrain it in your head that you are in fact worth their time as a person on so many levels that they never want to stop having a friendship with you?

Pay attention to the people who stick around...the ones who tell you what they think with an honest opinion.

The ones who go out of their way for you. The true friends in your life.
Especially guys,....pranks are always a wonderful way to show affection for one another.
It's okay to be gay.

It's hard to believe, and sometimes it's not easy or necessary to be said.
That's normal.

The next time that someone says that to you, even after a joke, if someone is laughing hysterically. Take it into consideration with your mind if your heart isn't ready. That they might mean it.
They might just appreciate in their own way about how awesome you are.
Just into consideration.

And if they don't....well....stupid people have a way of getting what they deserve.
Karma's a Bitch.

Thread the needle; starting to patch it up

Do you like horror flicks? I do.
I especially enjoy those poking fun and intrigue at the coming of the end of the world.

Zombieland is a favorite. Especially with the Twinkie shoot out scene.

This week's 2 hour sit down was The Book of Eli.

Religious Apocolyptic rain down on humanity; and no more Bibles exhist.
Except for one! In the hands of a black man who has undeniable and breathing faith.
It's the last bible on the planet, and where religion no longer has a heavy influence on humanity, because no one knows what it is....there is anarchy, cannabalism, and destruction among the living on earth.

In the book of Revelation in the bible it states that the coming of the end of the world, the son of god Jesus Christ will come. All those with faith's human bodies will disappear and their souls will be forever in peace. They will descend into whatever we may perceive or imagine would be heaven.
Those without faith, without the knowing of the lord may be left on the earth to dwell in what then will be known as Hell.

If that's the case....how could one bible remain? How could a book dubbed as holy, the most sovereign of words surpass the end of humanity with flame, murder, abuse, tyranny, disease, and more. How could it survive?

In the movie the bible is perceived as a controlling weapon.
But is it? Or is it something that was written so outlandish....that people just have a tough time believing it.
That's where faith comes in.
You either have it or you don't.
Either choice doesn't make you a bad person. And don't ever let anyone tell you so.
Judgement however.....
People with faith judge other's all the time. More people would probably believe in God if it weren't for that I think.

If they understand that it's spirituality and not religion. Which would prevent that whole apocolyptic bible war from happening anyway.

No wonder people hate so much. Hate is the worst disease.
It brings more pain than any physical ailment we could dream of.

Didn't hitler try this with the whole burning of the books?
Suprise! Any Jew will tell you......don't screw with God's people.
You'll get hurt.

Who says it's survival of the fittest?

Will there really be Zombies?
I am Legend gave a little perspective and possible realistic happening of what the apocolypse could bring. Like so many other movies...

But would it be a cure to Cancer?

Have any of you seen an Alzheimers patient? Or a Veterans Hospital for that matter?

The only difference is they haven't eaten the flesh off your bones.
Yet.(Kidding!!!)

In order to survive an apocolypse....

What's the checklist?
Do you own a handy copy of ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE?

I do.

But honestly,......what does it take?

Sound mind.
Do any of us have the strength to stand alone?
So alone that we have no one to speak with for days...maybe even months at a time.

Motivated Spirit. The drive of an angry bear.
Would depression take over?
Adrenaline would probably prevent that from happening considering every day would have to use every sense you have to it's fullest potential.
"But that's exhausting you say!!!" Gasp. You mean life is hard work?
You don't say.

Or would anyone have the mental stamina to hold up and be positive even if they weren't getting the right kinds of nutrients?
Nutrients being water....food....would you be willing to eat a cat?
That's right. Meow Meow get's it. The only hissing I wanna hear is the roasting over a fire pit.
AGAIN I KID!!! Nasty sense of humor I know.

When you lose things, environments change, your body changes. It conditions itself to adapt.
Of that you can be sure.
But how willing is the mind, and pushing until the spirit becomes broken?

Push yourself. Push to your very core until you can feel it pushing back.

Wanna know where it is?
Behind your heart.
In between the lungs.
The soul burns, right, there.
And when the heart breaks you can feel it sinking into your stomach.
So when the heart is beating stronger....
Imagine how good that must feel.
It's better than being in love.

Do any of us have the endurance to walk endlessly with the know how of when it's time to quit?
Before we die of dehydration....or heat stroke....before we retain water or shin splint?
Are any of us that have no military training or athletic backgrounds understanding of what a "jock" might have to go through on a daily basis to be "Superhuman"?


What about if we encountered people along our path who were willing to help us; willing to follow, be patient, willing to share and reap benefits of survival in the worst. Or would you even want someone to talk to? Sharing isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're going to be the last man standing.
But if you stand alone...really alone...with no one to share it with....
What's the point?

Could you give in to your emotional needs over pride so that you could in fact be happy or content with the company of someone in times of complete despair?

Or would it be safer to be on your own.

Sometimes in my past, I felt this way already.
I felt like I was in the true beginnings of the apocolypse.
Religious fanatics might have one or two things to say....so would the minister in Minnesota.
What if there is no hell? It's right here. People just don't see it yet.

I did feel this way and still do think about it.

Look around you. There is Good and Evil.
You can't have one without the other.



There is a darkness that lies within people just as much as there is a light.
The way we are raised, the choices we make, our influences, all have a way to do with where we end up.
When it comes down to it, there are the vital choices...the main points in which we learn lessons.
If you're willing to learn, the good comes faster.
If you're not willing to learn...really learn, emotionally accepting something while mentally grasping the full meaning behind whatever has just happened to you,...It will knock you so hard on your ass you might find a bruise soaking through the front end if you catch what I'm sayin'.

If people did actually pay attention this way...the world could be cleaner...in the sense that you could actually feel a difference in the air.

Some people call that an Ora.

It's like a bubble that projects whatever lies deep within the soul of a living being.
Animals have them too.

Would deterring what kind of Ora you have help you understand what you can do so have a fulfilling life? Would it help anyone survive through a little bit more each day?

Would it allow you to find where you are actually supposed to be?

Then, when we find our place is where true happiness be found. Is it not?

I've always believed in things unseen. Had faith. And been able to see things other's couldn't.

It's not a secret, and although I don't talk about it much, there are people in my life who know this.
For so many years I was blocked by medicines, depression, and bad environments. But I kept moving, I kept trying, pushing, harder....wanting it so bad I could taste it.

But that's how survival works. You have to want it.
Bear Grylls would tell you.
Eating bugs is a challenge and building a taboggon out of deerskin and firewood is no easy task.
But you had better damned well be wanting to feel that adrenaline pumping through your veins.

As much as I enjoy sitting around a campfire, trust me, I do,...I would love to be as Badass as the gentleman listed above.
I really do want to call him Uncle Bear. I bet he calls his kids cubs'.

You have to strive for it in a way that shines over everything. It allows others to see that there is something different about you.
There may be something magnificent about you, and only you know what it is.
If you share it....if you allow others to see it too they will try to destroy you.
And the things you think you need....99% ; you don't.
People come in and out of our lives with purpose. And we notice what we notice to learn and observe with understanding.
For some this may take great energy, but, it's worth it.
You can feel the strength building in your heart when there is chaos in the mind.


But you have to pay attention.
If you don't, the zombies will get you.

Labor might be painful but raising the child is a task...

In my last post. I stated my victory. Although I have far to go...there is my faith and a few good women I owe thanks to.

Dear Mom's on Mother's Day,

I commend you.

The innocence that lives within a child is a mystery to most people in this world.

Some mothers have a way of preserving that while allowing their children to grow and explore during the journey into maturity, while managing to shape the mind into a responsible adult.

These women sacrifice so much of their selves. And every mother will tell you this....but the thing is....no one really understands how...

They allow their bodies
Selflessness has to be given to a teenager, even when it comes down to a simple question that might seem idiotic to someone will a trillion things to think about. The fact that they could take time to think about the complete meaning behind the answer so that a child be intruigued...
That takes hard-core patience. Because there is no mind like a child's.

There is no limit to the imagination, no tunnel vision.

For a mother to watch her son take the keys, when she's seen him grow from a toddler playing with Tonka Trucks....with the gnawing fear that something might happen while giving him confidence as a young man and concern as a mother in loving positive form enough for him to know the consequences of vital actions.
That takes Guts. and Trust. because there is no energy and force like that of a teenage boy.

When it comes down to a girl, going off to college, her mother should only understand....as a woman herself....what it's like to want that freedom, but to remember how scared, how nervous, how exciting all of it is to be on your own.

Does a mother allow her daughter to treat her well growing up?
To teach her respect while being able to enforce discipline at the same time?

It's a daunting task shaping a mind, encouraging a human spirit and supporting a soul with your whole heart.
Yet there are women who do it to more than 3,4,5 children at a time.
Some are school teachers and nurses but they send the children away after a few hours.

I hope I get to have twins,....I've always secretly wanted to have a boy and girl twin children. With an older son.

But if I don't get that, even more secretly I've always wanted to have a farmhouse with a load full of kids. And the cowbell to ring for dinner....

Either way, I hope my children are healthy and happy. I pray I can raise them well.
I pray I can be a mother like so many I've met, and that I've always dreamed of being.
with tough love, encouragement and morals.
So that my children can know every day of their life to be the best of their capability with the understanding and acceptance that they are human while knowing love.


Mother. A word which stands alone in this world yet manages to blend in with so many other positive meanings. A word with strength, love, patience, kindness, resilience, creativity, force, passion, providing all ameneties of life with a sense of charge and will.

Mother. What a badass nickname.

It's a love thing...

Depression Free for exactly ONE MONTH, today.

I'm going to be 25 years old in 3 weeks and I remember my depression starting when I was around 7 or 8 years old.
I remember things from my childhood that most people deny I could. It frustrates me truth be told but I know that things happen for a reason, even the memories we hold stay there with purpose.

For years I remembered things that were unexplainable to me.
I watched circumstances around me slip from one end to another with questions from a young age.

When I started asking....that's when it kicked in.
I remember feeling a darkness around me. Seeing the light in a mood change in my own home.
My house felt different.
My Mom was different.
My life was different.

Conversations at dinner weren't conversations anymore.
I wasn't allowed to speak unless spoken to.
Any humerus thing I would say was completely inappropriate.

All I wanted as a child was my mom.
My Mom and my Dad.

My dad was gone, and I understood.

But my Mom was there, I just felt her being taken away.
There was something that was pulling her, blocking her from doing the things she wanted and being able to be herself.

My relationship with my Mother has been tainted by my childhood however it doesn't prevent me from seeing the person she is and has always been.

As a woman, as a person, I've said it before and I'll say it again...her heart is easily the largest one I've ever come across. She has paid a price for it. So have I.......

When my father passed away for a few years all I could feel and see was yellow and white.
Not literally you dolt.....
I mean in an ora. She was happy, so happy that it filled our lives. Not a worry in the world, and then it started getting darker.

The yelling increased, and it didn't stop. For 17 years. It only got worse.
Then the doctors, the blood tests, the screaming, fights, medication, ect...
There was only hurt.
The consumption of my soul was so evil to a depth that it literally surrounded my life.
Like a cloud I could feel it. I could see it.
And I wondered why, If my mother loved me as much as she said she did, if there was care and love in my family....how come they were letting me hurt?
No one listened to me.
No one answered my questions....but when I tried to leave...they wouldn't let me.
The drugs that doctors put me on were so damaging at the time that it ruined my GPA.
Gave me a speech impetiment, caused seizures, sleep deprivation, Mood Swings, and water retainment.

By the end of my high school I was 230 pounds.

When I turned 20, a year after I got out of high school, I weighed 106.

I looked amazing.
But I knew that everything else was just being uncovered....

When I was growing up,...these fights,...my house would shake. I could feel it being unearthed.
Wondering what they neighbors thought I was thankful that we lived in the middle of nowhere.
People already thought I was strange. If they knew what was going on at home.
They would look at me worse.
When someone is staring at you, it's easy to sense.
But it's knowing and feeling WHY they stare that's the real conductor in this whole mess.
Ignorance is bred, through judgment and misunderstanding from lack of want to make things better and compassion.

It's normal for people to look out for themselves. Which stands in our very nature of being human.

But what concerns me is within ourselves there is a know of good and evil, whatever you might believe in. There is no one without the other. Whether you like it or not, they both exist.

Honestly, in my opinion, if you're denying something within the greater good, it's out of fear or you just might happen to be that piece of shit that try's to stop people like me from succeeding in life.

I'm aware that some of the things I say out loud might cause me to appear of lesser intelligence.
That whole "think before you speak.." I haven't exactly got it down packed yet.
Quite honestly I'm not sure I ever will. But you can't stop me from trying!
My case and point...see above...
I'm good. In my heart, because of my heart, my will, I have prevailed through an emotional curb stomp that life and this universe we live in sent my way as an infant.

It's possible to come out of such a shitty life and hold onto the very thought that happiness and love,...all things good do exist.

For five years I searched everything, studying behaviors and ideas, beliefs, and patterns.

Reason being, in my life. In my childhood, from a young age my soul was being taken from me.
Every action in my life through any option of growth emotionally, mentally, I could say physically because I'm all of 5'0 tall. :)

Nonetheless I was in all senses Not Allowed.
My life in one word was .Prevented.

Behaviors i studied was the concept of action reaction. I paid attention to the people around me, why they did the things they did, who they did them to...why those people were the people they did them to.
Ideas were religion, conformity, politics...
Beliefs were nature vs. Nurture...you don't even know how many conversations over Aliens and Quantum Physics I've had over wine, beer, and good food.

For patterns...I just looked around. Everywhere.

So when people tell me I think too much, I just consider it a complement. Because In 5 years...
In five years of life. I taught myself, and by personal choice of people to actually learn from, because my heart felt happy, it felt safe, I went from having so many issues that I destroyed every relationship I had, I couldn't communicate, paranoia, eratic behiavior, tantrums, trust issues, inability to be comfortable with my own sense of self, humor, style and personal thought insomnia, no real friends, no stability, emotional confusion,...

To this.
I'm healthy, physically. My Eczema is actually going away....I have been so good at my job that I was hired by word of mouth and it's been REQUESTED highly of me that I stay.
I got accepted, enrolled and have taken classes successfully at Boston College with recommendation from professors to my Dean that I am a very and one of the most capable student's they've seen.
I've been told by a range of adults that I'm wise beyond my years, I'm extremely intelligent for my age.
I've been complemented by those who know me well of my accomplishments.
Loved ones are at ease, no longer hold worry.
No anxiety when I walk into a room full of people (females included) that I don't know.
I know the exact emotion behind every thought and WILL communicate that to you in confidence if necessary...
IF I need to. Only if I need to...lol
I sleep at night, I sleep well.

I'm making an impact and moving forward doing the things I love in this life.


A friend of mine, who hasn't been the only one to say it asked me recently, "why don't you have good stories? Happy memories?"

I've started making them.
Photographic evidence of shenanigans ensue!!!
Proof in pudding?
A 12 year old I know asked me yesterday to give someone a hard time.
I told her no, it's not right to do that, explaining the other ways to go about it.
Response "you're so peaceful Deana..."

I love myself.
Today, I've been depression free, darkness free. For a month.

No medications.
No doctors.
No Therapists.
No outburts, anxiety, negativity, or attitude has held place within my heart or been able to be near my soul for one month.

Only light has been allowed in.

One more thing...
A girl I grew up with, god bless her is such a kind and happy spirit.
However, comes from such wealth and love it's a little bit gross,..
I'm not jealous...I'm happy for her. She's quite honestly one of the genuinely booming happy people I know.
Few weeks back it was stated on her facebook ( I know...lame ) that her friend suggested she's accomplished so much it's more than most people in her life.
Because of what?
She lost weight.
Graduated from college.
And moved up high in a company her mom co-owns?

I'm not saying she hasn't accomplished alot. Kudos to her for doing well :)
I'm proud to know her and be able to say that she thinks highly of me.
My point is that...what do people recognize as a valuability?

What is nothing? What is alot?

To be able to smile every day is a blessing. So the fact that someone who has no support, no foundation, no nothing and was birthed into such a dark hole of life can be truly happy and find a healthy purpose in this life?
Without burden or pain?

I'm a hard working, caring, honest, laughing, hug loving, puppy cuddling, country waggin' music listening, dancing in my kitchen, party in my car, tree climbing, life loving, New England pride filled, photo taking, shoe loving, barefoot in the mud running, water hole swimming, Call of duty video gaming, family fun, travel buggin, learning new things, home team chanting, artsy fartsy, good time with my friends funnin', old soul, free spirit. It starts here and I ain't ever gonna stop.
I'm even on a hitch to start my on business.

I did it. All by's myselfs.
No parents. No family. A few friends here and there along the way...
I learned love.
And now it owns me.
I surrender to it willingly. <3