The doorway.

Last week I had a number of things go wrong.
Within them, there feels a certain re-freshness.
The saying "when every door closes, another one opens" is no strange phrase to many;
however, not a lot of people will pay close attention to the process.

Maybe it's because it's so normal, ...because the every day happens to the every one.
Why would anyone want to analyze it?

But what if it wasn't analyzing.

What the process of change wasn't viewed with fear, or anticipation of the unknown.
Even though hypothetically that's what it is...the attitude that is held during a process of change is the bound that sets its course.

So what if we looked at a change in our lives with opportunity.
Even if things got so uncertain, that you felt you were about to step on air.

I've stated that my beliefs don't hold tightly to coincidence.
With the changes that have been happening to me,
and the fact that this year holds significance to faith in my life;
it's no marvel that two of my family members lost a loved one of immediate family last week.

Both of which struggled with heavy negative personal demons.

In this world, to lose someone that way, pushes a button allowing relief more than pain.
But the pain that exists holds guilt.

It's a refresh.
Spending time with my father's family is something I've longed for.
I love them, when I met them, my first thoughts were "My people!"

That was the first significant event this week.

On my way home, I drove from Taunton to Gloucester.
By the time I made it to Quincy, tears were drained so much I don't know where they were coming from.
I am completely unable to recall the trip from Quincy to Rte 128 in my memory.

As I was driving through Quincy Shore drive; a certain kind of feeling swept over me, like I was being drained of all physical energy I had.

My fingers felt frozen in place, my insides, my stomach, my lungs, they felt hot.
If there is a word, it's Lucid.

When I made it to 128 I had to pull over right after I got off the Ramp.
I vomited, for a solid 20 minutes. Got back in my car.
Drove home.
Ate a Cookie and a glass of milk.
Went to bed.

I had never felt that sick in my entire life.
The next morning I woke up, and I was more motivated than I had been in a while.

This event, was the second.

My weekend as a whole was the third significant waiver that, yes indeed something magically good is happening in my life.

Friday night I spent driving my bosses daughter to her friends house.
Having her open up to me about things that I have been through and being able to help her understand what's going on around her; was one of the main reasons I am certain I was placed to have this job for. I <3 her.

After I dropped her off, there was much needed girl time, of movies, snuggling, and wine.
This is something so rare for me, but very wanted.
To be able to start off a weekend like that felt good.
It felt really good.

Saturday, I went back to my kid sister.
*supervising her hanging out with her friends*
keeping an eye and being part of the fun.

What did they have in store for me?
Let's jump 40 feet into the ocean from a dock.....
Oh goodie.

So being the responsible ninny I am...of course I had to swim down to check what poles and metal was floating around and what not.

I jumped with them, 3 times.

Getting to know the 12 year old inside me. Was good.
You need to be able to be a kid.

For the rest of the day I ended up having my phone die, going to visit my grand-parents,
was easily AND willingly roped into going to a pig roast and a hoe down.
Where I bumped into old friends allowing me to catch up in a way I only wish for every day.
Ending the night with a small personal party at my best friends dad's meat house.

Yup. I'm country. My Saturday was the kind of day I live for.
Filled with love.

Sunday.
Sunday I went to a benefit, to celebrate the life of someone who had a dancing soul.
In this day, so many people from my past, whom I have not seen in years, took a look,
weren't sure, but surely recognized me in a surprise of happiness.

Another good friend of mine has given me the quality news that he has in fact been cancer free for 20 years this fall.

This week.
This week I took an emotional bath, the night I got sick in my car.
The bad has been lost in my family. We are clean of hurt.
And the good in my life is bounding.

I've made it down that excruciating long hallway.
And now I have to open the door.

Thing is' ......I'm really really really careful about which one I open.
Because the life I live; is one I intend on sharing with my loved ones;
now that I am able to have them around me.
My choices effect them, like a wave.

To see the bad move away, and be able to embrace the good in any situation of life is a blessing.

But to be able to live it is another kind of glory all together.
This time I'm in control.
This time I'm getting it right.