The Greasy Pole.
Take a minute. Read the title.
Those are the best three words I heard in a long time....and I HAD to know what it was all about.....
In Gloucester....There's all sorts of hoopla and shenanigans.
Each year. Since the mid 1920's there has been a competition of sorts brought over from Sicily.
Of-course...my Italian friends and those I know with Italian heritage will argue...
Nonetheless I have a never-ending fascination with the Sea, and all things historically Nautical and Italian so Naturally I would know....
Sicilians are the best...and when combined with the ocean and a long greasy wooden pole.....
It's time for a show.
Grab your canolli' and cappuccino.
(Get you're mind out of the gutter I wasn't talking about your pants!)
You're in for an interesting treat..............
St. Peter.
Better known from Mama's house as "Saint-a-Pedro''......that's it now....roll your R's.
The Saint of Fisherman. Bless this house in the New World of America, Us Sicilian's so that we may bring our son's our brother's our husbands home from Sea.
Let us put fish on our plate from your bountiful sea, and bread in my basket oh lord.
Naturally,...in good ole' Glosta...there's a Fiesta!
Say it with me....it's fun....and shake your hips a little bit too.
Ready
1.
2.
3.
Go!:
F-I-E-S-T-AAAAAAAAA!
Every year there's a fiesta in tribute to New Englands Sicilian Fisherman heritage here.
Be it so there's a competition to find out which man can handle a large greasy wooden pole the best.
Yup. That's right.
They walk it. All. The. Way. Down.
And the best part of it is.... it's in the middle of the ocean...well....not the middle.
But you get the idea.
It started as a namesake thing....you would know it for New England and our generation to turn it into a family fun filled event. Worth every second.
This year I was fortunate enough to see it for the first time..on top of the fact that
there was a Musical tribute to it as well.
I got front row, right next to the stage.
Sitting down i thought to myself the enriched heritage here is something to be so valued...little did I know what I was in for.
The musical is a story about one boy.
His father died at sea along with his brother....and having an Italian mama who raised a family from the heart of the kitchen....you know that's no joke.
And so, he wanted desperately to fit in and walk the greasy pole.
He was after all....a greaser.
His mama protested...his cousins asked why not...
Yet this young man could only pray to Saint Peter for help to understand.
Many years had passed and then in his mid age.
This man finally walked the greasy pole.
He walked.
He won.
He sang.
He sang it as a tribute, to his family, to all the men at sea, who died and spared this life.
This musical was put together in the span of 3 months.
It turned out to what will be a classic for generations to come will see.
Holding all ingredients for some of the best American New England Chowder.
Enriched and spiced with history.
The lyrics and dialogue was humorous and meaningful.
The actors had good timing and heart.
The musicians played so that you were lost in the sound of a memory thought to be
New England's Italia...
Everything was well timed on top of the fact that there were so many tidbit's of fun and surprises....it made 15 dollars for a ticket seem like a steal.
I even got pulled up on stage to dance!
Good thing I strapped on my heels that evening!
Brava Glosta.
Brava.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Redemption with your own soul. After the Demons are gone...
When we lose someone or when we lose something in ourselves.
Through strength in our minds when we cross and emotional bound in borders, there is greif.
Everyone deals with it differently,
some people cry, drink, shop...eat...
I've met people who have completely let go of all inhibitions and took the needle completely off their own moral compass.
But what happens when we gain?
When we become whole?
Is it really different for anyone?
Or do we all act the same.
What makes us whole to begin with?
Is it really love?
I personally believe that one should completely find themselves or know as much as you can about how to love yourself in a positive way...before finding someone to share your life with.
In that belief, I think it's responsible for people to spread their wings financially, educationally, live on their own...REALLY live on their own.
And be humbled.
But what happens when you're grown that way, all the days of your young life.
When is enough enough and it's time for happiness?
Is it earned?
My beliefs are so put together from so many different trains of thought it's like a berry pie.
(with pumpkin added in)
Tasty,...but a little tough to handle.
IT'S SO GOOD YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!
A very close friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago.
Another friend of mine blamed herself.
I verbally slapped her. Then gave her a hug.
It is not our fault what happens in this world when it comes to someone else's decisions...or someone dying in their sleep.
Within reason...I mean....there's always influence.
But if we could take observation, and filter it with realism on a balanced scale. Add a little positivity, and base your decisions so that you benefit from them but don't actually hurt anyone in the making.
Or at least hurt them as little as possible.
How do we play honesty into that?
Honesty doesn't hurt people.
It stings.
For realsies.
It hurts for a minute,....but then you realize that pain you have is the searing rip of emotional protective duct tape being ripped off. and bearing your real skin.
Then you get a tan. Because the universe is SO PROUD of you for humbling yourself!
If people understood that, don't you think this world would be a better place?
There will always be lessons to learn, always obstacles to overcome.
But it's our choice to let them build up like a wall of rubble.....and cower....or be a marathon runner and fly over hurdles.
We choose our own roads and let who and what we want in.
When it comes to luck?
Negativity will follow things through events.
I was proposed to when I was 21.
I said "not yet"
Not no,....just not yet.
He left a few months later for separate reasons that added insult to injury.
He wouldn't take the ring back.
I had nightmares....for a year. Until I hunted him down and made him take it.
To this day, he still offers me to keep it.
I've had presents be given to me out of guilt...and when I got rid of them....bad things slowly stopped happening.
You can't buy "right".
It's not money, or the physical things in this world that matter....life is not a sale of any kind.
It's an extravagant journey. And you choose exactly how far you travel, when you stop to rest, and who joins you. Good or Bad.
People told me alot when I was growing up that I read too deep into things.
As I got older I was told my old soul was appreciated.
I've been pushing harder for myself in the past year than I ever have...(and that's pretty hard)
And Now,....
I'm on my way to being the Happiest Mother Fucker I've ever met.
Pssshhht.
I think too deep.
Y'all don't think enough.
Through strength in our minds when we cross and emotional bound in borders, there is greif.
Everyone deals with it differently,
some people cry, drink, shop...eat...
I've met people who have completely let go of all inhibitions and took the needle completely off their own moral compass.
But what happens when we gain?
When we become whole?
Is it really different for anyone?
Or do we all act the same.
What makes us whole to begin with?
Is it really love?
I personally believe that one should completely find themselves or know as much as you can about how to love yourself in a positive way...before finding someone to share your life with.
In that belief, I think it's responsible for people to spread their wings financially, educationally, live on their own...REALLY live on their own.
And be humbled.
But what happens when you're grown that way, all the days of your young life.
When is enough enough and it's time for happiness?
Is it earned?
My beliefs are so put together from so many different trains of thought it's like a berry pie.
(with pumpkin added in)
Tasty,...but a little tough to handle.
IT'S SO GOOD YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!
A very close friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago.
Another friend of mine blamed herself.
I verbally slapped her. Then gave her a hug.
It is not our fault what happens in this world when it comes to someone else's decisions...or someone dying in their sleep.
Within reason...I mean....there's always influence.
But if we could take observation, and filter it with realism on a balanced scale. Add a little positivity, and base your decisions so that you benefit from them but don't actually hurt anyone in the making.
Or at least hurt them as little as possible.
How do we play honesty into that?
Honesty doesn't hurt people.
It stings.
For realsies.
It hurts for a minute,....but then you realize that pain you have is the searing rip of emotional protective duct tape being ripped off. and bearing your real skin.
Then you get a tan. Because the universe is SO PROUD of you for humbling yourself!
If people understood that, don't you think this world would be a better place?
There will always be lessons to learn, always obstacles to overcome.
But it's our choice to let them build up like a wall of rubble.....and cower....or be a marathon runner and fly over hurdles.
We choose our own roads and let who and what we want in.
When it comes to luck?
Negativity will follow things through events.
I was proposed to when I was 21.
I said "not yet"
Not no,....just not yet.
He left a few months later for separate reasons that added insult to injury.
He wouldn't take the ring back.
I had nightmares....for a year. Until I hunted him down and made him take it.
To this day, he still offers me to keep it.
I've had presents be given to me out of guilt...and when I got rid of them....bad things slowly stopped happening.
You can't buy "right".
It's not money, or the physical things in this world that matter....life is not a sale of any kind.
It's an extravagant journey. And you choose exactly how far you travel, when you stop to rest, and who joins you. Good or Bad.
People told me alot when I was growing up that I read too deep into things.
As I got older I was told my old soul was appreciated.
I've been pushing harder for myself in the past year than I ever have...(and that's pretty hard)
And Now,....
I'm on my way to being the Happiest Mother Fucker I've ever met.
Pssshhht.
I think too deep.
Y'all don't think enough.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Pop your Blue Collar and crack open a beer. Healthcare Taking care of the Upper Class
Recently, as some of you know my case at work moved to Manchester-By-The-Sea.
Up near Gloucester...North Shore.
Snobbeville Massachusetts.
My Bosses sister,
Bless her heart,
believes that money is the most important thing on the planet.
In three weeks of living here and being around the corner from this woman, she has managed to stand on the sidewalk and belittle me.
Stating one of the first things she said to me was that
"YOU are NOT in charge here...."
Bitch I never said I was. Now get outta mah way and let me do my job.
I'm pretty sure I wanted to say that but I didn't. Because I'm nice. :)
No really though, she ranted for a good ten minutes while I preceeded to open my mouth in disbelief and awe and widened my eyes to prevent them from popping out of my head from all the anger rushed blood being pushed to my brain.
Then I let her have it.
I told her, "First of all......my boss was the one that decided I move things. Not me.
Second. YOU are NOT my boss.
Jim is.
This is my job and I do what I'm asked to do within reason.
My soul priority is the mother and daughter, everything else get's organized around them.
If you have a problem, take it up with your brother."
Second offense.
I'm seriously not even sure what to make of this.
I asked her after my bosses daughter's first day of school....
"Carol, I'm not questioning you, I'm just curious,....Carly wanted to learn French, and they didn't have it at her other school. Why did you sign her up for spanish?"
Response: "No one speaks French anymore. No one. Nobody speaks french. 90% of the population speaks spanish. I, I majored in Spanish, I can help the girls, all of my kids I can help them speak spanish."
(It's funny because she told me she majored in communications at UNH. Then she was a hairdresser.)
While she was telling me this, I saw about 3 poodles and very wealthy people walk by with sunhats and sunglasses on, envisioning them waving aurevios!!!!!
Truly. I'm pretty sure the country DIRECTLY above Massachusetts, half of England, a quarter of Ireland, wait wait....what's that Country....FRANCE! ....Louisiana...There's this thing called Creole' down in the Bayou. I believe it's known as the FRENCH QUARTER. Tennessee... Damn woman do you know your geography?
For realsies. No one speaks French my butt. She's retarted.
While this was ranting through my head, I said
"Oh, well that's just interesting. I was curious because I think-----"
No no be sure to completely cut me off and WHILE interrupting me insult me to boot.
"Deana no one cares' what you think."
Aha!!!! Here's my verbal slap.
"ACTUALLY Carol. It does matter, and Jim cares, that's why he asks, so does Carly, because I'm here. All week. I'm raising his daughter, AND taking care of his wife."
She walked away, saying "ok! ok!"
A couple days after my birthday, I find out she was actually making fun of me with her impressionable 16 year old daughter.
Calling me ugly. Saying that I gave up because I had a nose-ring?
Seriously? Is she so warped and pathetic that she thinks it's ok to teach a teenager to make fun of other people for what they look like?
This woman BOASTS about how well behaved her children are.
They stay silent out of fear. She screams alot.
Alot.
Another day she asked me jauntingly.....with a cocky smile.
"see I'm not so bad once you get to know me..right?"
Deana says: "I actually think deep down you're a good person Carol, you're just ebracive"
I ain't gonna lie....
ON my birthday, I took Teri and Carly out to eat.
Against what I actually prefer to do, because it was a birthday and I NEVER take them out. I ordered Teri a martini. She likes them. I disapprove. But I did it anyway.
The next day she had a hallucination. This is why I do NOT encourage it.
I told Carol and she saw no problem with it at all. "What does it matter anyway?"
Her brain isn't COMPLETE mush you dolt. Hard Alchohol is bad for her.
I oughtta beat you with a stick.
My job here is to take care of Teri.
A very sweet loving innocent soul, who suffers from Early Onset Dementia.
This woman; Carol; is Teri's sister in law. Whom she used to hate.
Carol actually had the audacity once to insult Teri blatantly in front of her
telling me that "Teri used to try to do it all; because she couldn't do it all"
Bitch, Teri graduated from a University, and worked her way up in ONE solid Good company where she was a Supervisor. for 15 years.
She was a stellar home-maker, and mom.
She was on the PTO, Played Tennis, and Scrabble Club. Threw fund -raisers.
What have you done?
Fed off your husbands bank account, got knocked up 5 times, opened your obnoxious mouth, and barked at your children to train them to think like robots?
Two days ago, I'm in the kitchen and Teri comes up to me.
She asks me to call her friend Carol.
I said ok. Because it makes her happy.
I called and when I hung up the phone......POUNDING on the door.
Let me just say this woman's face consists of a smile that looks like it was placed there by the devil himself.
She's a Demon. Her eyes are frighteningly wide and her eyebrows are always arched.
She comes in, and starts chatting with Teri. That's fine. Got NO problem with that.
But when I hear negativity?
Talking like Alzheimers is a bad thing? And that it's a problem....
Heck no.
Exibit A last interaction before Deana Finally stood up for herself.
Deana washes dishes.
Carol asks "Is TERI GETTING ALL HER MEDS ON TIME!?"
Deana says yup. It's my job.
Carol asks "HEY UH, YOU KNOW THAT IF SHE DOESNT GET HER MEDS SHE STARTS GETTING WORSE RIGHT"
Deana says yup. That's why I give them to her.
Carol says to Teri: So are you sad today? What's the issue? Is it the Alzheimers? You know it's only gonna get worse right?
Deana says: Carol could you please not talk about anything Negative with her....It's bad for her
Carol gets up from chair
"DEANA DEANA YA KNOW WHAT DEANA DON'T START WITH ME AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS"
Door slams. Door locks.
Deana leaves.
Next morning.
I get a missed phone call, and voicemail.
I call it back. and I thought it was my aunt so I was super duper happy.....This was not the case.
It was Blonde McDogface.
"Deana, Deana, Hi I just wanted to let you know I left you a voicemail."
Oh, yeah I'm not calling it now that I have you on the phone I didn't listen to it, sorry i'm driving what's up?
Of course you wouldn't.
I'm picking up Teri this afternoon at 230
It's better than having her sit in a car all day like a dog and running errands.
I think.
Carol, I don't care what you think.
Click. She hung up on me.
Far fetched from a woman who whenever you say the slightest thing she disagrees with is emotionally, verbally, and mentally, abusive.
I called back.
Voicemail left on the HOUSE PHONE.
"Hi Carol, this is Deana. I really appreciate the way you hung up on me in the middle of a conversation that was very mature and appropriate. Also I've taken enough of your condescending underhanded comments and gestures as well as your insults and screaming. Do mind that I've been in the business of taking care of people for five years, I taught an 83 year old woman how to walk again. Went to EMT school, and was raised by Nurses. I'm in school at Boston College right now to be a teacher...If you ever tell me to mind my business again regarding my job. You're in for it."
I for-warned my boss that I'm contemplating getting a nanny cam so he can see what she's really like when he's not around.
Enough is enough.
I feel sorry for her. But she's a grown ass woman....I got rid of my anger...I worked past and through my issues and have been free, happy and whole for 6 months.
There's no need for her behavior.
Money isn't everything and from what I've seen and grew up knowing. It makes people ill.
I'd rather be able to pay my bills on time and have some extra put away than be wealthy.
And I'd rather focus on clean air and my emotional well being than earning a dollar.
It'll only get you so far.
Up near Gloucester...North Shore.
Snobbeville Massachusetts.
My Bosses sister,
Bless her heart,
believes that money is the most important thing on the planet.
In three weeks of living here and being around the corner from this woman, she has managed to stand on the sidewalk and belittle me.
Stating one of the first things she said to me was that
"YOU are NOT in charge here...."
Bitch I never said I was. Now get outta mah way and let me do my job.
I'm pretty sure I wanted to say that but I didn't. Because I'm nice. :)
No really though, she ranted for a good ten minutes while I preceeded to open my mouth in disbelief and awe and widened my eyes to prevent them from popping out of my head from all the anger rushed blood being pushed to my brain.
Then I let her have it.
I told her, "First of all......my boss was the one that decided I move things. Not me.
Second. YOU are NOT my boss.
Jim is.
This is my job and I do what I'm asked to do within reason.
My soul priority is the mother and daughter, everything else get's organized around them.
If you have a problem, take it up with your brother."
Second offense.
I'm seriously not even sure what to make of this.
I asked her after my bosses daughter's first day of school....
"Carol, I'm not questioning you, I'm just curious,....Carly wanted to learn French, and they didn't have it at her other school. Why did you sign her up for spanish?"
Response: "No one speaks French anymore. No one. Nobody speaks french. 90% of the population speaks spanish. I, I majored in Spanish, I can help the girls, all of my kids I can help them speak spanish."
(It's funny because she told me she majored in communications at UNH. Then she was a hairdresser.)
While she was telling me this, I saw about 3 poodles and very wealthy people walk by with sunhats and sunglasses on, envisioning them waving aurevios!!!!!
Truly. I'm pretty sure the country DIRECTLY above Massachusetts, half of England, a quarter of Ireland, wait wait....what's that Country....FRANCE! ....Louisiana...There's this thing called Creole' down in the Bayou. I believe it's known as the FRENCH QUARTER. Tennessee... Damn woman do you know your geography?
For realsies. No one speaks French my butt. She's retarted.
While this was ranting through my head, I said
"Oh, well that's just interesting. I was curious because I think-----"
No no be sure to completely cut me off and WHILE interrupting me insult me to boot.
"Deana no one cares' what you think."
Aha!!!! Here's my verbal slap.
"ACTUALLY Carol. It does matter, and Jim cares, that's why he asks, so does Carly, because I'm here. All week. I'm raising his daughter, AND taking care of his wife."
She walked away, saying "ok! ok!"
A couple days after my birthday, I find out she was actually making fun of me with her impressionable 16 year old daughter.
Calling me ugly. Saying that I gave up because I had a nose-ring?
Seriously? Is she so warped and pathetic that she thinks it's ok to teach a teenager to make fun of other people for what they look like?
This woman BOASTS about how well behaved her children are.
They stay silent out of fear. She screams alot.
Alot.
Another day she asked me jauntingly.....with a cocky smile.
"see I'm not so bad once you get to know me..right?"
Deana says: "I actually think deep down you're a good person Carol, you're just ebracive"
I ain't gonna lie....
ON my birthday, I took Teri and Carly out to eat.
Against what I actually prefer to do, because it was a birthday and I NEVER take them out. I ordered Teri a martini. She likes them. I disapprove. But I did it anyway.
The next day she had a hallucination. This is why I do NOT encourage it.
I told Carol and she saw no problem with it at all. "What does it matter anyway?"
Her brain isn't COMPLETE mush you dolt. Hard Alchohol is bad for her.
I oughtta beat you with a stick.
My job here is to take care of Teri.
A very sweet loving innocent soul, who suffers from Early Onset Dementia.
This woman; Carol; is Teri's sister in law. Whom she used to hate.
Carol actually had the audacity once to insult Teri blatantly in front of her
telling me that "Teri used to try to do it all; because she couldn't do it all"
Bitch, Teri graduated from a University, and worked her way up in ONE solid Good company where she was a Supervisor. for 15 years.
She was a stellar home-maker, and mom.
She was on the PTO, Played Tennis, and Scrabble Club. Threw fund -raisers.
What have you done?
Fed off your husbands bank account, got knocked up 5 times, opened your obnoxious mouth, and barked at your children to train them to think like robots?
Two days ago, I'm in the kitchen and Teri comes up to me.
She asks me to call her friend Carol.
I said ok. Because it makes her happy.
I called and when I hung up the phone......POUNDING on the door.
Let me just say this woman's face consists of a smile that looks like it was placed there by the devil himself.
She's a Demon. Her eyes are frighteningly wide and her eyebrows are always arched.
She comes in, and starts chatting with Teri. That's fine. Got NO problem with that.
But when I hear negativity?
Talking like Alzheimers is a bad thing? And that it's a problem....
Heck no.
Exibit A last interaction before Deana Finally stood up for herself.
Deana washes dishes.
Carol asks "Is TERI GETTING ALL HER MEDS ON TIME!?"
Deana says yup. It's my job.
Carol asks "HEY UH, YOU KNOW THAT IF SHE DOESNT GET HER MEDS SHE STARTS GETTING WORSE RIGHT"
Deana says yup. That's why I give them to her.
Carol says to Teri: So are you sad today? What's the issue? Is it the Alzheimers? You know it's only gonna get worse right?
Deana says: Carol could you please not talk about anything Negative with her....It's bad for her
Carol gets up from chair
"DEANA DEANA YA KNOW WHAT DEANA DON'T START WITH ME AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS"
Door slams. Door locks.
Deana leaves.
Next morning.
I get a missed phone call, and voicemail.
I call it back. and I thought it was my aunt so I was super duper happy.....This was not the case.
It was Blonde McDogface.
"Deana, Deana, Hi I just wanted to let you know I left you a voicemail."
Oh, yeah I'm not calling it now that I have you on the phone I didn't listen to it, sorry i'm driving what's up?
Of course you wouldn't.
I'm picking up Teri this afternoon at 230
It's better than having her sit in a car all day like a dog and running errands.
I think.
Carol, I don't care what you think.
Click. She hung up on me.
Far fetched from a woman who whenever you say the slightest thing she disagrees with is emotionally, verbally, and mentally, abusive.
I called back.
Voicemail left on the HOUSE PHONE.
"Hi Carol, this is Deana. I really appreciate the way you hung up on me in the middle of a conversation that was very mature and appropriate. Also I've taken enough of your condescending underhanded comments and gestures as well as your insults and screaming. Do mind that I've been in the business of taking care of people for five years, I taught an 83 year old woman how to walk again. Went to EMT school, and was raised by Nurses. I'm in school at Boston College right now to be a teacher...If you ever tell me to mind my business again regarding my job. You're in for it."
I for-warned my boss that I'm contemplating getting a nanny cam so he can see what she's really like when he's not around.
Enough is enough.
I feel sorry for her. But she's a grown ass woman....I got rid of my anger...I worked past and through my issues and have been free, happy and whole for 6 months.
There's no need for her behavior.
Money isn't everything and from what I've seen and grew up knowing. It makes people ill.
I'd rather be able to pay my bills on time and have some extra put away than be wealthy.
And I'd rather focus on clean air and my emotional well being than earning a dollar.
It'll only get you so far.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Press Start. Aaand Go.
I promised myself a long time ago. LONG time ago. The sadness, the tiresome anxiety would end.
The pushing, and the work would lead to good things. All of it.
By my 25th Birthday
My life goal list consisted of Healing.
In every possible way.
So much that I could hold a consistent line of work for several years, not have ever being fired, during my mistakes was a blessing in itself. And able to see the mistakes directly after making them so I could learn, and make sure I did not repeat.
Speaking about this with a personal friend today caused me to want to write about it. The immense respect for life that I hold. Which, quite honestly within the past two weeks has broadened even more than I thought it could. I'm not modest anymore. Humbled would be the appropriate word.
You see,....in my freshman year of high school there was a girl I know who had the guts, and the sweetness to come up to me and say "Deana; there is a way to be modest without being so DEEPLY modest."
She cared enough about me to try to tell me that it was okay to have confidence.
That was something I knew in my mind yet could not completely understand or physically act out in my every day life.
My tattoo represents so much of my past and my future and is a staple in my life.
Immediately after I got it, just a few days after my birthday. A VERY VERY important person in my life passed away.
He, as a friend, brother and so many wondrous entities was the only person in my entire life I had ever come across who understood the thing about life that I hold most dear.
It ends, yet continues on through the simplest of ways that most people just do not comprehend.
All you have to do is have faith.
That's all it takes.
Faith in yourself, your dreams, God.
Faith alone has gotten me so far in this life that I'm almost sick of telling my story from the beginning.
ALMOST. :p
Luckily for me, I do know and believe in new beginnings.
Within the past two weeks, not only due to a funeral, but within realms of my new address, Starbucks, and Target, random bump-in's. I have seen SO MANY faces from my past....elementary to post college.
Another close friend of mine is a Cherokee woman. She has the faith, and is a spiritual worker.
Her words would tell me that by no slight of hand God is showing me that I have a new life.
I am in fact healed.
The anger that dwelled within my soul burdening my every thought with a push of paranoia is gone. Depression has swallowed itself whole. And hurt through thoughts of past occurrances has no place in my heart.
Growing up in a religious setting those who know me know I do believe in god.
Those who know me well know that I don't let religion consume me.
Those who know me best know Spirituality is how I truly live.
within the past six months, I have completely gotten rid of depression.
I don't cry when un-necessary.
Even me ..------the Queen of Scream can rest her lungs. Even when I'm in the car and I want to yell....it doesn't happen.
That anchor on my back- It's a stamp.
It's a hey look at me, I did this.
God is my Compass. He or She is the light I look to when I pray; Not for things, nor glory, nor fame, wealth, or possessions.
I pray for mental health and happiness through learned experience.
So many prayers have been answered, and so many odd things have happened close to co-incidence.
My Conscience and heart is the anchor.
Let my life flow freely in the ocean of the world that I may live right.
I hold myself down steadily when needed. I let myself go when it's time for change.
My soul is embedded in that compass.
That I may be a free spirit, and accept truth in light, for whatever may happen to me, It can be good. All I have to do is try to see why with faith.
Is it any convenience that the biggest sports fan I knew was also one of the deepest souls I could have ever come across?
He passed this week and Yet the Bruins continue their First Stanly Cup Victory in how many years? Hmm.....
enough of this serious talk though....
Tomorrow I start anew.
I've been contemplating the next five years and what I want to accomplish.
As of tomorrow I start running.
I want to lose 30 lbs in the next 6 weeks. Healthy- of course....what am I Lindsay Lohan?
I want to finish school, now that I've gotten in.
I want to get accepted to Grad school. Not sure where yet, but i have a list of places.
I want to learn to REALLY be agressive for the things I want.
I mean what good is knowing how to stand up for yourself if you can't use it for your own benefit...christ I wish I was an asshole who liked to start trouble. It would make this whole dealing with shit-bags business a whole lot easier.
I want to make things with my hands...like....carving wood stuff....
And I'm gonna go fishing a whole lot more.
Write my book.
Fall in love and get married....One time.....Ever....Successfully.....With my soul mate and man of my dreams.....
Get my teaching liscence.
Go on a Road trip around the US
Go to Europe.
Get a job at a bakery decorating cupcakes.
Get a job as a Bartender
Get a job playing with puppies. Yes. I want to get paid to play with Puppies. What is that a crime or something?
Go ahead...slap those cuffs on me....
HOW DARE I want to have fun with fluffy four legged happy creatures.
Wait wait.....stick around long enough and I'll make you listen to the voice....then, then you'll understand. You know that retard voice every woman get's when she's near a puppy?
It's pathetic I know. But seriously I'll make you listen.
That's what you get for poking fun at my life goals.
If you could get paid to drink beer I bet you would!!!
Learn to play that god damned violin Heather gave me....
Use my Djembe!
Get published....
Run a Few Marathons. (tomorrow I'm going to start a thirty Day Regiment...I need you guys to keep up with me on this!!!)
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM WANTED
Have a SUPERFUN ENTERTAINING GOOD PAYING CAREER JOB THAT ISN'T HEALTH CARE!
(preferably in a university in very specific locations.)
I know I know.....you say....Deana ....you're taking on too much...Deana,.....you can't just make things happen....Deana.....just because you write it down or ask for it doesn't mean you're gonna get it.......
Deana.....
Deana bo Beana Pho Feeena....
Bite me.
Watch me.
I'm the Deananator, Deana Monster, Deanabutter and JELLY SAMMICH! Mmm Tastey.
Diesel D.
After all....Dreams come true right?
Now where's my Staples Button.
THAT WAS EASY
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Jeff Delgado
In recent weeks I have not written anything.
I have been too dumbfoundedly busy with the rediculous interruptions of my everyday schedule.
I may have noted that one week my car broke down, on the same three days that I got pulled over.
The next week....I managed to move in one weekend. That Monday....my two pieces of furniture that were antique flew off the top of my vehicle while I was driving 65 miles per hour. I had them strapped with more than enough bunjee cords. And so. Naturally you would understand my upsetting when I was in the left lane and I head what sounded like Sandman landing on top of my car.....in the pouring rain.
This I was unable to stop.
Upon my car dying, moving out of a really really really cheap apartment/great area, this did not help my mojo.....
However, if you've ever met me....you know I really can't be stopped no matter how hard the universe should try.
My bosses sister laughed when finding out alot of this,....she was laughing because I have bad luck.
I'm pretty sure that there is a demon poking me with a stick for fun....just to add insult to injury.
This; dear friends; is a story for another time.
The continuance of this week was me at work. Not ever leaving. I did the same thing all weekend. I was around. And on Monday, it was my birthday.
Which I spent. At work. Even though I had it off.
That wednesday was the ONLY birthday party I had ever planned for myself...and it just so happens that there was a Tornado in Massachusetts of all places that night. I was fortunate enough to find that all my loved ones are safe and sound.
The next morning, I woke.
I checked my email before I jump in the shower.
The first email was a notification that my dear friend Jeff had not been awake or breathing when his mother went into his room.
I knew instantly what this meant even though I did not want to fully accept it.
You see, Jeff had a disease. Muscular Dystrophy.
From the age of eight, he had not the use of his legs.
Doctors did not expect him to live long past his teenage years.
Stupid doctors....Have you MET this boy?!?!?!?
Jeff was as passive and persistent as they come.
He joked about being a Mama's boy, because he had to rely on his mother for everything.
But it is my personal belief that Jeff found strength within his own soul by example of his mother.
She is an extraordinary woman. Sweet, selfless in most ways...and humorous with everyday gratification in honesty.
I tell you now, his Father and Sister meant the world to him. Family was where it's at.
And he didn't rely on her for everything. He never RELIED on anything but faith.
For someone to not have any use of his limbs, he put forth strenuous effort and gain from using his heart and brain to graduate not from ONE, but TWO colleges. And own a small business to help others who retained the same condition.
I don't believe he suffered because I know that Jeff was not a person to accept that kind of mindset. He knew with every day he had hardships, but received them with true grace.
And humor.
I didn't get to know him in his earlier life; although I knew him. We became closer in the past 5 years.
We had quite a few adventures and can't say that one of them was laughter free.
Someone once stated to me that a lot of my friends had issues.
You can call it what you want. I have friends like Jeff because of who they are in their soul.
I am proud to say that I knew that young man personally. And I only wish the rest of the world to hear about him.
If he knew I said that....He would gently laugh and say nodding his head...
"right on Deana" "ha ha...."
If there was ever a person who was a solid example of so many positive things it was him.
Happiness. Love. Innocence.
An avid sports fan, he was the first and foremost to speak about an opening in season.
His room constantly filled with Home team memorabilia. Going to Red Sox games, Paw Sox games,...Celtics....
Don't anyone get mad at me for saying this, but he would laugh.
If God gave Jeff a welcoming present and left it up to him.
This Saturday night will be a victory.
Hat's off to you Jeff Delgado.
You're a true angel and know the meaning of earning wings.
<3
I have been too dumbfoundedly busy with the rediculous interruptions of my everyday schedule.
I may have noted that one week my car broke down, on the same three days that I got pulled over.
The next week....I managed to move in one weekend. That Monday....my two pieces of furniture that were antique flew off the top of my vehicle while I was driving 65 miles per hour. I had them strapped with more than enough bunjee cords. And so. Naturally you would understand my upsetting when I was in the left lane and I head what sounded like Sandman landing on top of my car.....in the pouring rain.
This I was unable to stop.
Upon my car dying, moving out of a really really really cheap apartment/great area, this did not help my mojo.....
However, if you've ever met me....you know I really can't be stopped no matter how hard the universe should try.
My bosses sister laughed when finding out alot of this,....she was laughing because I have bad luck.
I'm pretty sure that there is a demon poking me with a stick for fun....just to add insult to injury.
This; dear friends; is a story for another time.
The continuance of this week was me at work. Not ever leaving. I did the same thing all weekend. I was around. And on Monday, it was my birthday.
Which I spent. At work. Even though I had it off.
That wednesday was the ONLY birthday party I had ever planned for myself...and it just so happens that there was a Tornado in Massachusetts of all places that night. I was fortunate enough to find that all my loved ones are safe and sound.
The next morning, I woke.
I checked my email before I jump in the shower.
The first email was a notification that my dear friend Jeff had not been awake or breathing when his mother went into his room.
I knew instantly what this meant even though I did not want to fully accept it.
You see, Jeff had a disease. Muscular Dystrophy.
From the age of eight, he had not the use of his legs.
Doctors did not expect him to live long past his teenage years.
Stupid doctors....Have you MET this boy?!?!?!?
Jeff was as passive and persistent as they come.
He joked about being a Mama's boy, because he had to rely on his mother for everything.
But it is my personal belief that Jeff found strength within his own soul by example of his mother.
She is an extraordinary woman. Sweet, selfless in most ways...and humorous with everyday gratification in honesty.
I tell you now, his Father and Sister meant the world to him. Family was where it's at.
And he didn't rely on her for everything. He never RELIED on anything but faith.
For someone to not have any use of his limbs, he put forth strenuous effort and gain from using his heart and brain to graduate not from ONE, but TWO colleges. And own a small business to help others who retained the same condition.
I don't believe he suffered because I know that Jeff was not a person to accept that kind of mindset. He knew with every day he had hardships, but received them with true grace.
And humor.
I didn't get to know him in his earlier life; although I knew him. We became closer in the past 5 years.
We had quite a few adventures and can't say that one of them was laughter free.
Someone once stated to me that a lot of my friends had issues.
You can call it what you want. I have friends like Jeff because of who they are in their soul.
I am proud to say that I knew that young man personally. And I only wish the rest of the world to hear about him.
If he knew I said that....He would gently laugh and say nodding his head...
"right on Deana" "ha ha...."
If there was ever a person who was a solid example of so many positive things it was him.
Happiness. Love. Innocence.
An avid sports fan, he was the first and foremost to speak about an opening in season.
His room constantly filled with Home team memorabilia. Going to Red Sox games, Paw Sox games,...Celtics....
Don't anyone get mad at me for saying this, but he would laugh.
If God gave Jeff a welcoming present and left it up to him.
This Saturday night will be a victory.
Hat's off to you Jeff Delgado.
You're a true angel and know the meaning of earning wings.
<3
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