Funny Funny Forgiveness

Into adulthood even if we acknowledge the things that are to come. It doesn't make it any easier to do.
Unless we already want to do such things.

For me, I was a little adult. (hardy har har I'm vertically challenged.)

From the time I was about 6 years old, I used to run around the house pretending I ran a museum, or I was a teacher.
When it was time for me to act like a kid, there was the mindset of an adult.

For a long time. When it was time for me to behave like an adult,...I acted like a child.
There is reason for this, no excuse, but reason. Neither here nor there, it's gone.
Never to happen again.
I am healed.
As of this week I've been depression and anxiety free for 8 months.

Now I've never been one to do drugs.

Don't get me wrong, I've smoked on a bad day,...
And everyone knows I love my wine.........

However I hold the knowledge and the good sense to practice the lesser half of too much of one thing can be a bad thing. In fact good or bad. I know it all too well.

Naturally understanding this at an early age I was wanting to spread my wings.
And so I have.

But today was a different sort of day, as this year has been.
This past weekend especially.
It brings me new to old. Reminders, benders, and opening a door to me building bridges.

This weekend I was left alone for the first time in a while.
No work, no plans.
Just me.

Quite to say I enjoy it, I guess we all need time to ourselves. I'm just not used to it.
Best believe I enjoyed it.

First there was a lot of thinking.
What to do, where do I go next. Where do I want to go next. How to I get there?
Is this going to be easy....I feel like it's going to be easy...

For years I've dealt with so many issues. And now that 99% of those are hosed off there's this path I'm on.

It's awesome, and clear, and kind of like a dirt road.
There's a lot of green on either side and it's sunny weather with a rainy day here and there.
Another mountain is up ahead....but it's an enjoyable one...
You know...the kind we find in the Greek Isles?
And my dream house with a career, husband and a family is on the other side.


No questions in my mind about how long it's going to last....just acceptance and ease that I've made it through the great storm in my life.

If there's any easier way to put this I think I've gotten my mid-life crisis out of the way early?
I think?

So today I took the second part of my lonely weekend to go back home.
I visited a very old friend whom no matter how much of a jerk he may appear to be, is one of the most genuinely intelligent, kind hearted, good people I know. There isn't a mean bone in his body.
Just offensive. :)
While lately I've been needing a hug. He gives some of the best ones around. And has seen me through in some harsh times in my life with an honest word.

After that I visited my mom.
"GULP" Don't hold your breath....it's good news.

For the first time. In my entire life.
I feel like I have the beginning of a relationship with my mother.

While estimating a childhood filled with bitterness, hurt, pain, confusion and close to call abuse under the name of Munchauusen Syndrome by Proxy.

I have taken many years of my youth to fully understand what happened.
Educated, in life and facility of health and school.
I firmly believe my mother is a good person.
Just a very lost person.
There is no pity, no sorrow.
Today was the beginning of something really good to come.
I feel it in my bones.

That now she understands.
For that I am grateful.

This week I am left at the disposal of getting the paper version of my job done.
With a patient gone, my boss and his daughter on vacation, It's going to take me at least 2 hours every morning to get my job done and then the rest of the day to look for what's next.

Prayer, meditation, resume sending, grueling nights of pounding coffee and milanos is up ahead.
I have to find my next mountain....
If it's a volcanic one; let's hope it doesn't explode.