Five Years; The recollection and review,

It's approximately 5 weeks away from my 25th birthday today.

Lately, I've been considering everything I've done.
I have taught myself how to hold eye contact, speak in full sentences speaking as clearly as possible so people can understand what I say when I'm saying it.
I have given myself confidence and learned self worth.
I have learned 'Wantingly' to walk away from abuse, patterns, and poorly executed social situations.
Forgiveness of others and myself.
To not apologize when I'm NOT actually doing something wrong.
Social situations and how to separate the good from the bad knowing when enough is enough.
Learning trust of myself, others, teachers, and authority figures.

The screaming. Oh the Screaming and the hurtful words.
I don't want it. I never did. It's not in my heart. It's not who I am.
And I will work every day of my life until it's gone and further to keep it that way.

I'm aware I'm not the only one on this planet with these circumstances, however.

In these years I spoke of...I've gotten up every day with the belief that it's going to get better.

The critical words I have taken from others who do not know me well enough is brutal.
The kind words from people who do, is not nearly close to ever being forgotten.


This is my last straw. My last step where I feel I am ready to stand, on my own.

The reason I have not reached out about this is because I felt it necessary to focus on the more important things at hand. As well as accepting myself for who I am in my heart.
Taking the good and building with it, taking the bad and washing it away.
Now that I've built the fundamentals needed, with the help of the example and listening ear of those around me, it's my job to make myself happy in this world. To do the things I've always wanted to do and to make a difference leading by example that IT IS possible.
But I need your support and here's how:



My plan is to follow through with my now understanding of what actually is wrong with me.
I suffer from a manic depression. And I want it GONE.
I'm strong enough to have gotten this far, I'm convinced there's nothing I can't do :)
But I'm positive! This can help.
I've weened out what I'm good at, and what I'm not, paying attention to detail, I want to get it right.

I don't want to say mean things out of spite.
I don't want to push and ask questions, or tell someone to walk away from me because I'm afraid of the goodness that could come out of it.
I want to be able to really truly allow the patience in my heart to show through to people.
I want to allow myself to smile, instead of keeping my lips pursed, or putting my head down.
I'm quirky, and if you're reading this there's a good chance you know that,
So I don't want to feel bad about it.
I want to be proud of it.
I will be rid of the bad and shine with the good. I will smile all the time every day, and be rid of depression with bad thoughts.
I won't say I'm sorry when I've done nothing wrong.
I will put it to action to show I am, when I have.
And I will Live my life to the fullest, healthiest and happiest.


I'm asking you after you read this to consider how you know me.
DONT BE AFRAID TO TALK TO ME!
I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE IF YOU CAN SEE THIS!
If you feel you are a friend, or want to build more of a friendship with me. Support me in this, read it when you can, or when you want. And please know that by already sticking by me through the worst of it is my inspiration.
You, are the sight I see for example to live.
I thank YOU.