Funny Funny Forgiveness

Into adulthood even if we acknowledge the things that are to come. It doesn't make it any easier to do.
Unless we already want to do such things.

For me, I was a little adult. (hardy har har I'm vertically challenged.)

From the time I was about 6 years old, I used to run around the house pretending I ran a museum, or I was a teacher.
When it was time for me to act like a kid, there was the mindset of an adult.

For a long time. When it was time for me to behave like an adult,...I acted like a child.
There is reason for this, no excuse, but reason. Neither here nor there, it's gone.
Never to happen again.
I am healed.
As of this week I've been depression and anxiety free for 8 months.

Now I've never been one to do drugs.

Don't get me wrong, I've smoked on a bad day,...
And everyone knows I love my wine.........

However I hold the knowledge and the good sense to practice the lesser half of too much of one thing can be a bad thing. In fact good or bad. I know it all too well.

Naturally understanding this at an early age I was wanting to spread my wings.
And so I have.

But today was a different sort of day, as this year has been.
This past weekend especially.
It brings me new to old. Reminders, benders, and opening a door to me building bridges.

This weekend I was left alone for the first time in a while.
No work, no plans.
Just me.

Quite to say I enjoy it, I guess we all need time to ourselves. I'm just not used to it.
Best believe I enjoyed it.

First there was a lot of thinking.
What to do, where do I go next. Where do I want to go next. How to I get there?
Is this going to be easy....I feel like it's going to be easy...

For years I've dealt with so many issues. And now that 99% of those are hosed off there's this path I'm on.

It's awesome, and clear, and kind of like a dirt road.
There's a lot of green on either side and it's sunny weather with a rainy day here and there.
Another mountain is up ahead....but it's an enjoyable one...
You know...the kind we find in the Greek Isles?
And my dream house with a career, husband and a family is on the other side.


No questions in my mind about how long it's going to last....just acceptance and ease that I've made it through the great storm in my life.

If there's any easier way to put this I think I've gotten my mid-life crisis out of the way early?
I think?

So today I took the second part of my lonely weekend to go back home.
I visited a very old friend whom no matter how much of a jerk he may appear to be, is one of the most genuinely intelligent, kind hearted, good people I know. There isn't a mean bone in his body.
Just offensive. :)
While lately I've been needing a hug. He gives some of the best ones around. And has seen me through in some harsh times in my life with an honest word.

After that I visited my mom.
"GULP" Don't hold your breath....it's good news.

For the first time. In my entire life.
I feel like I have the beginning of a relationship with my mother.

While estimating a childhood filled with bitterness, hurt, pain, confusion and close to call abuse under the name of Munchauusen Syndrome by Proxy.

I have taken many years of my youth to fully understand what happened.
Educated, in life and facility of health and school.
I firmly believe my mother is a good person.
Just a very lost person.
There is no pity, no sorrow.
Today was the beginning of something really good to come.
I feel it in my bones.

That now she understands.
For that I am grateful.

This week I am left at the disposal of getting the paper version of my job done.
With a patient gone, my boss and his daughter on vacation, It's going to take me at least 2 hours every morning to get my job done and then the rest of the day to look for what's next.

Prayer, meditation, resume sending, grueling nights of pounding coffee and milanos is up ahead.
I have to find my next mountain....
If it's a volcanic one; let's hope it doesn't explode.

August get Au-tov-mah-weh

So.
Transition.


It's not the same as change.

I wish, right? Jingle jingle in your pocket?

No. The kind where it's consistent rolling tide of events in your life for better or worse.

Does faith have to do with it?
Or persistence in the name of your soul.


As many of you know I work in health care.
For christ sakes I don't even know why, it's not healthy and it's taught me all but to care.

However,..........I can't help myself and eventually fall in love with the people I work with.
It's kind of like being cursed.

Except I've gotten rid of the curse.
If I told you how, you'd officially think I was crazy.

But I'm not.
I'm just soluably different and way way way way way ahead of my time.

Always have been, always will be.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but, let's face it. I am amazing.

INSERT SHIT EATING TOOTHY GRIN HERE--------------------->
Followed by snorting awkward laugh. :)

So 2 months ago, my car broke down, 3 days in a row.
Those same 3 days, I got pulled over by the police.
Details available on said stories upon request.

Yep.

I went to purchase my dream car, as I have had enough of the Merc "Betty" Sable.
She was self destructive, as I repeatedly sunk money into her and kept braking down on me.

Nope. No more.

So I bought a Black Subaru Forrester.

In love, ....of course. I take it for a weekend to go camping; at the friendly beaver campgrounds of course.

Little did I know that where I bought this car, my personal information was to be leaked out.
This was not appreciated, so of-course after I signed a 4 year loan and put a down payment of 5k, I had to withdraw leaving me with a rental for a week while I desperately searched for a decent place to buy a vehicle from.

They could have given me my dream car. Which was a teal blue forrester. Of course it would have cost me 1.5k more.

So I took the next best offer.
A Honda Accord, She has a nice ass and is good on gas. So that's all that matters other than the fact that she has an unlimited warranty.

:)

I signed the contract at 6 pm on a warm summer evening.
The next morning it was a Thursday.
I drove the car into the gravel hilled driveway at my bosses house ready to pack up and take my patient to the beach, when my car got stuck.

We pushed it up the hill for 3 hours. 3/4's of the way........when I put the car in park and half climbed out to continue pushing.
What's that noise?

Oh Just Deana's car dragging her down a hill and the door snapping off.

The day after I bought it.
My car ran me over.
And so, she shall be named.
Sassafrass.

I could have died. But I didn't.
I just got a gnarly bruise.

The next week I got a phone call from a Brewery.

Say it with me: Brrrrru-arrr-eee


Isn't it fun?
Mmmmm. Beer.
I got hired at the Dream fun job,....I'm waiting for my hot-stuff car to be fixed.
What next?


So I'm 2 weeks into the new job and I have a patron whom happens to be British and a gent of good looks.

Of course we had some wonderful conversation :)

Turns out he's a teacher and told me about this fantastic school where he works and how I might be able to land a job if i discuss with the headmaster my conditions of my education.
A job and possible payment for my masters degree?

ROKAY!!!!!


One door leads to another so I'm gonna walk right through.





As far as the health care job goes, I took Ms. Teri to Arizona,

I managed to land safely and drive a good 6 hours to her home-town.
the next day i drove straight through to Salt Lake City.

In a town full of Mormons, I still managed to find a way to shake my ass.
First, at a hoe-down. Second, Samba dancing.
Which was all of it amazing as good company was my sister, and a town of art, outdoors, and crime-free neighborhoods.

Deanajoy was a happy camper.

Having 17 hours in a car by yourself can help give you time to think too.

How?
I ate Burritos in the west like a diabetic kid needs insulin.

I drove through the Navajo desert and managed to take a few pictures that didn't come out so well. you wonder about curses, and ghosts. But can people actually accept that yes in fact they are as real as our very flesh and bone?
Common sense applies to the supernatural?

Is it any wonder that the two things I "accidentally" left in the rental car was my camera and the red rock I stole from the Grand Canyon?

(Yes I snuck into the Grand Canyon and technically stole land)
That's how it got there don't you know? :)

The beautiful and mystery of the empty America.
Desert Rock that was quit possibly ocean centuries ago.

How can we ever understand the beauty around us.
When will we try?
That's just it.
Try.

On my arrival in Salt Lake City I stayed up as long as I could.
Because I got to see my sister.
A loved one who has been in my life through so much bad, now good.
Someone who does not judge.

Upon my leaving, we watched Harry Potter.
Yes we did.
And it was glorious in all it's nerdy accent.

But I had a red-eye flight and the best part about it was that I got to spend time with someone who means the world to me, and I got to spend a solid day to myself absorbing the soul of the earth around me, while I thought about those I may or may-not, maybe even should or should-not keep in my life anymore.

The point is try for the things that matter, things that are NOT irreplaceable.
Things, that are not things at all.


It's been a really long road.

I'm past so much, and never to give up.
My dreams are so close to coming true.
I will say, that it's because I try.
I'm not perfect and I know it, but damned it all to hell I have faith.
Who knew my 25th summer would be the year I started to leave my mark?

Ye be warned world.
The happy soul of me has woken from my long sleepy start in this flight of life.

I'm at my gate,
and I've arrived.......

All in a Celebration : The life of a Country.

America.

She; the land of the free, home of brave, and nothing short of a miracle in herself as a heartland to people who strive to know hard work within freedom; had her anniversary of declaration this day.

We could call it many things. It is to us; Americans; a birthday.

Throughout the few centuries we have had in this country we are thankful as a people that the wars we have suffered very few were on our own land.
However, this in turn causes us to remember the ones fallen behind, the ones lost in a storm, the men and women who gave their lives in service through default because it was their job.

The past ten years in this country have held succombance to trial and tribulation as well as redemption and self honesty.

We have had to accept making a decision on a leader who sent us well into the gutter, Leaving our economy dropping to bits leaving 30 million people out of work lucky not to be homeless.
We have gone to war. Again.
For the price of assisting and pushing a country to stand on it's own feet, when none of us are really sure where we even stand anymore.
We've watched our fishing industry on the East Coast dragged in sufferance as oil consumed the ocean territory we rely on for food and work.
A storm that rid a historical city with a legendary track record for all things beauty magic and fun, most of all on "Easy St"; and wiped the slate clean so they could start anew.
We have watched our ancestors dreams come true just as likely some dreams have failed as for the first time we have an African American/ Muslim descent president.
Have we come to terms with our life today'?
Have we really learned what the important things are yet?

It is Independance Day after all.

Independance to do the things most other countries can't.
But we pay for it.
We don't rely on welfare. We find odd jobs.
The good ones anyway...........................

Construction, landscapers, farmers. They get their hands dirty and their backs sore, so we can continue to look around and see a clean environment. Have reliable homes and businesses to run our lives, and have food on the table.

Teachers who are willing to supply art materials, or stay after school so that children may have the opportunity to learn music and have options to have a safe outlet making the use of talent and knowledge.

Policemen, fireman, EMT's and Social Workers alike, the ones who get paid Nothing, and literally Give their lives to the ones here at home who need them most.
Every day they are held in the dangers of bad drivers, parents who don't understand what being a parent is, Drug addicts and more. Not to mention the endurance to walk into a burning building and provide emotional insurance that people will continue to breathe after smoke has filled the air.

Firemen are also good for putting fires out :)

Our Military Troops.
Thank you for literally signing your life away with the 50/50 chance that you may not be able to come home and receive that gifted education.
Because of you we have roofs over our head.
Whatever you do, wherever you are.
You have that home away from home.
We love you nonetheless.

Civilians in the everyday wash of life.

You party animals you. You are the ones who give us the inspiration to think, you make us laugh, you entertain. And that is the band-aid given when we have a bad day here on the home front. And we thank you for that.

Americans celebrate the freedom we have by blowing shit up.
Really?
Yes Really.
9 times out of ten will be at a bonfire at a beach where we will hear a very loud boom and it will in turn result in sparkling skies and drunk people underneath swallowing their voices in a very long:
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww................................................"

Not to mention miracles in the Sports Industry.
One City, 4 Teams, 6 victory's, 5 years. Boston Baby. :)
Funding your money to give us what we would otherwise not be able to have.
And SOME of them leading an example.

Because of all of them our country continues to live; grow and survive.

And here in America, that's just a staple on our board of achievements, but it counts for something.

So Happy Birthday to you America. You're still Standing.
Straighten your back out a little and hold your head high.

Next year if we keep it up, maybe we can fist bump lady liberty.